Due Date: Writing Work Shop

It's here at last, heart thumping, feeling sick, panicked, sweaty palms as i race about getting ready.

what if its not what i expected?
what if its not good news?
what if its grown?
what if they put me back on treatment?
will i remember the questions i had, why didn't i write them down like i said i would?
how will i cope if its worse, with being there again, how many bruises?

shit wheres that clean top?
did i feed the dog/cat/fish?

have my bag, have my book, my NDS, my hubby and all my distractions.

check the back door is locked, grab my coat, check the door again... have a cig.. shit i really cant procrastinate much longer....

get in the car, sleep, wake up feel sick, trying to remember the positives,

check in.

wait.

wait.

panic.

wait.

names being called shit.. okay we have to do this. move sit some where else.

wait.

wait.

oh god hes here.

go in.

listen to him talk and hear nothing.

until the words "so in all i guess its good news, since its no bigger and no major changes, we will book you in for another scan in 3 months......actually 6 months since you have had six months stable".

BREATHE, just breathe

Maybe in six months after the next scan i can start to live my life again, without the what ifs, how comes, will it's. But for now its six months till I'm know I'm still okay.

Just maybe.

This post is my choice from the writing workshop. http://www.sleepisfortheweak.org.uk/2010/11/18/writing-workshop-life-on-film/ over on sleep is for the week found by my constantly watch on one of the few blogs i regualy follow atm Livi's little bubble http://princessl.co.uk/

The background on this is i have Aggressive desmoid Fibromitosis and spent along time on chemo and treatment for it. Which ended in may this year as i had been on it so long. So now as it stable at the moment, the hospital are just keeping an eye on it trying to let my body get back to some normalcy after my treatment however i still have a lot of the effects from the chemo sooo.. fingers crossed and we will have to see how it all goes. And this is what my day is like on the days i get my results from the ct scan and what was said at my last one.